Camaraderie. Cinema Paradiso, 1988. Directed by Giuseppe Tornatore.

My father was away from my life, a substantial amount, growing up. Still, I had a lot of older guy friends and Chapter “Dads” (chaperones) in DeMolay, which whom I looked up to, and they coached me a little towards adulthood. However, growing up in a household of women, I was (without any sort of bitterness) lacking a father-figure. For most women, I’ve learned, it’s easier to openly show emotions, but within the walls of my adolescent nurturing, I suppressed the curiosities and questions of boyhood; which one would only ask his father (my proper structure and discipline) what to do, or not to do. A male authority figure, I inherently trusted, was (without any sort of bitterness) nonexistent. I knew my father when I was very young, and got to know him again later in my teens. But, I wasn’t entirely misguided throughout the process of my own maturity, from a male standpoint, because of one highly respected friend of mine; somebody who took me under his wing and kick-started the Mike you knew in school, the good part of me that is likable, sensible, respectable when it comes to being a man.

Lee Goodlander worked with my mom at Escondido Lumber in the 80’s and they were friends/ colleagues for a good, little continuence. My real dad went to prison in 1989 and Lee started inching his way into my life in the early 90’s, with the intentions of being a friend of my mom’s. Sounds like the wrong intentions, I know, but it wasn’t. And, if he ever did “go there”, I imagine she stopped it before it started. A friend of the family, he stayed. When I was 10 or 11, Lee was already around 60. So, right away it was easy to look up to him as a grandfather-figure. But, with Lee’s healthy lifestyle and meek presence, he was, to me, the type of older gentleman you’d have a “down-to- earth” conversation with at a bookstore or coffee shop. One who is aging suitably with the current times and standards. He WAS the friendly man at the lumber yard helping you with your lumber needs and questions. Anyways, growing up without my dad, in a house full of ladies, he took me out to do normal things, normal things a boy and his “Pop” would do. First, it was mostly going to see cool-action flicks at the theatre, eating cheeseburgers and me telling him about my friends, school-life and girlfriends. Then sometimes, we spent a whole Saturday together, going to the mall, running his errands with him, bringing me to his workplace to meet his co-workers. I still spent an appreciable amount of time at sleepovers with friends from Hidden Valley, hanging out with kids my age. But, soon enough, I found myself staying the night at his house at least once a month. He took me hiking on Sundays from time to time; took me to firing ranges to shoot at printed criminals on target paper, more than once. We spent entire weekends camping in the mountains of Laguna. We went fishing and bowling. We did the father/son routine. But, the most important one of all…he took me to the movies, a lot. We rented movies from the rental store, a lot. In the theatre, for the first time, we watched: “Speed”, Tombstone”, “Last of the Mohicans”, “Ed Wood”, “The Mask”, “Mighty Aphrodite”, “Jurassic Park” and many others…Now get this…The first time I watched: “Goodfellas”, “The Exorcist”, “The Shining”, “Natural Born Killers”, “Se7en”, “The Holy Grail”, “A Christmas Story”, “Take the Money and Run”, “Life of Brian”, “The Meaning of Life”, “Taxi Driver”, “Cape Fear”, “This Boy’s Life”, “The Basketball Diaries”, “Candyman”, “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”, “The Professional”; among others, were with Lee, through an awesome sound-system, while eating candy bars and drinking soft drinks. Whenever I hung out with Lee, we always involved a movie, in the thick of our engagements, rather it was renting, going to the theatre or both. He even let me show HIM some movies like: “Kids” and “Pulp Fiction”. The only time that he was a little offended by a viewing was with “Kids”. I mean, come on! It’s about 10 to 15 year-old kids banging eachother, doing drugs and fighting eachother in the rough streets of New York. However, he loved “Pulp Fiction” and would laugh the hardest whenever Samuel L. Jackson would constantly cry “Mother-Fucker”.

Lee moved to California in the 70’s from Iowa. Moved away from his ex-wife and children after a series of mistakes, clashes and falling outs. He was a single-senior citizen in Escondido, and was a humble and hard worker. He was lonely and needed a friend. So, it wasn’t all for me. He took me under his wing so he could be a father, friend, an example to someone again. We kept eachother company in a world full of the “walking on air”, cheer-filled families.

I never really asked him about what happened between him and his family before. But, one night, he and I were having a movie marathon. After the all tapes were over, we sat up late and watched cable television. Not really sure how it was brought up, but Lee was a little quiet and acting out of the ordinary. He began telling me how he missed his children, his granddaughters and his wife.

Lee: “My wife and I were happy for a lot of years, but when the kids grew up, I became distant. I left them and moved here.”

Me: “Why did you leave?”

Lee: “I don’t know…I don’t know.”

He stood up, said he was going to call it a night.

Lee: “I love you, Mike.”

Me: “I love you too, Lee.”

Lee: “Goodnight.”

Me: “Goodnight.”

He’s never said that to me before, nor did I to him.

Later, in highscool, I became more involved with my band and began seeing less of him. Still, we made it a point to see a motion picture and eat cheeseburgers.

In 2001, I drove to Escondido for Shannen’s wedding. That same week, Shannen, our mom and I went to his apartment to pay a visit. His neighbors told us he moved back to Iowa to be around his family. I was sad that I never said goodbye to him before he left, but so pleased to hear he made it back HOME.

In 2004, I finally reached him again and we caught eachother up with what was going on in our lives. We continued to keep in touch throughout the following years.

Lee is around 80 now, and this last Christmas I called him immediately after a good, long talk with my aunt Anne. The operator said the number was no longer in service. I checked the online yellow pages and Lee was still listed as this number. I worried he might be gone. But, it couldn’t be possible. He seemed so healthy. He quit smoking years ago. He bought a six-pack of beer once and that same six-pack stayed in his refrigerator for about 6 months, until he finally poured each beer down the drain.

Later that evening, this last Christmas, I was in SUCH a good mood that I made the brillant decision to treat myself to a little wine. Baton Rouge was trying to become a ghost town and the streets were much less loud with subtle traffic. The reason why my life has fallen, I still decided to risk it once again. Why the hell not? It was Christmas Day and I couldn’t get a hold of Lee. Alcohol was my most reliable friend for years. Alcohol was the sexiest woman I’ve ever known. I drank it down. It tasted good. What happened next…well, you remember and so do I. I just can’t drink anymore, ever. It will kill me, if I do.

Cinema Paradiso is amazing for anyone who enjoys the magic of cinema. It’s about a young boy who gets taken under the wing of an elderly-movie theatre projectionist, and grows up in and out of a local cinema house. They were best friends who kept eachother company in a world full of “Walking on Air” families. The boy grows up and the old man isn’t there when he returns home. *What happens at the end is more heart-warming than anything you could ever imagine. When I viewed it, I wept. I cried hard. I bawled. The subject of “Paradiso” screamed similarities of Lee’s and I’s relationship. If you adore film; if you long for a hard and happy cry, please see “Cinema Paradiso”. If no other movie I write about, please see this one.

I miss you Lee Goodlander.

Goodnight.

Sigh. Today, I chose to start my day off with the most heart-sick song imaginable.

“All the girls in every girlie magazine can’t make me feel any less alone. I’m reaching for the phone, to call at 7:03. On your machine, I slur a plea for you to come home. But, I know it’s too late. I should have given you a reason to stay.

This is fact, not fiction, for the first time in years.”

• “A Lack of Color” by Death Cab for Cutie, from the album Transatlanticism.

*Ace of Bace for the remainder of the day.

“One’s life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.”

           - Simone de Beauvoir

“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”

           - Walt Disney

“If someone were to tell me I had twenty years left and ask me how I’d like to spend them, I’d reply ‘Give me two hours a day of activity, and I’ll take the other twenty-two in dreams.”

           -Luis Bunuel

“It took a lot to excite me. I didn’t care. I didn’t like New York. I didn’t like Hollywood. I didn’t like rock music. I didn’t like anything. Maybe I was afraid. That was it - I was afraid. I wanted to sit alone in a room with the shades down. I feasted upon that. I was a crank. I was a lunatic…My laughter was all there inside of me waiting to roar out: HAHAHAHAHA, o my god o my HAHAHAHA!”

           -Charles Bukowski

“The problem is that censors create the concept of obscenity. By supposedly trying to protect us they form an absurd concept of what is obscene.”

           - Catherine Breillat

My favorite people and dearest friends, this is Alfonso Flores. A refined, sharpening artist; a righteous and godly-gamer, a good-natured and kind-hearted friend. He is a quiet and honest person; full of insights and understanding, a fellow ex-DeMolayian, and a valued colleague of the film enthusiasts. Alfonso lives in San Jacinto, CA.

Here are Alfonso’s top ten favorite films, in no particular order, with his own reviews and additions. Respect.

SubUrbia, 1996. Directed by Richard Linklater.

Suburbia is to me what it is to my friends. It’s really a simple reflection of how we are, used to be, how we saw life, how we just were together. Even the town in the film “Burnsfield” reflects on our Escondido. Drinking, kick backs, loving, hating, expressions, abuse, relations. Being close or just with each other. Fast food, drinking. Dickin’ around, making films, listening to Sonic Youth That’s Suburbia to me and our friends. We lived part of it. We know it…the young, disrespectful, punk in all of us. I wont ever forget my friends and how we lived…even more so because of this film. Now eat a stick of Dynamite and blow yourself to bits! - Fonz

 Good Will Hunting, 1997. Directed by Gus Van Sant.

It was amazing to see Elliot Smith play his song “Miss Misery” in front of an Oscar audience. It was contrast; he really looked like he didn’t belong there. ‘Missing misery’ does fit into Good Will Hunting fairly well. Will Hunting pushes people and then pulls them. He plays with them and holds true to the only thing he considers his family. What is it about his intellect that I love to relate to? What is it about his self destruction that I cheer for? To live as an orphan, to grow old with it and attract love and then dismiss it. It all seems very conflicting. Finding a father figure in a destroyed soul, devastated by the loss of love and life. Sean and Will were meant to find each other and then again push each other away. There is no action, but only the perfect writing and dialogue to flow the film. It’s calming and then shaking…and for those that feel it, tear filling. - Fonz

The Edukators, 2004. Directed by Hans Weingartner.

When I first signed up for Netflix, some years ago, Netflix recommended an Austrian foreign movie based on what I had rated in the beginning. This movie was titled “The Edukators”. I later found out the original title was “Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei”, which translates to, “Your Days of Plenty are Numbered”.
My top ten films to me aren’t necessarily technical or artistically driven. They can be both, one or the other, or even just a special film that is expressive, or something I can truly relate to. The Edukators falls there. To this day, I think about the film, the characters, and how it all just eases into my day. A smile comes to my face and I know, even if no one has heard of or seen this movie (or especially because of that), I know that this film is now locked away in a special part of my heart. - fonz

Akira, 1988. Directed by Katsuhiro Ohtomo

I love Anime. Love it. When I was a child, I remember rushing home to watch Anime on the Mexican channels that my dad received through satellite dish. A fucken real big satellite dish. They love anime in Mexico. I watched bad Spanish dubbings of Saint Seiya, Dragon Ball, Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, Dragon Quest, Magic Knight Rayearth…Anime that, some of it, never even made its way into the States.

Then I met my good friend Lee. This guy had a movie and anime collection I never heard of. Every day or two I would borrow VHS’s from him, return them the next day, and borrow more. Some of them were Anime movies like Ninja Scroll, Golgo 13, Dominion, Record of Lodoss War, and Akira.
The reason I love Japanese animation so much, simple answer, is I love animation generally. Anime is different from traditional animation in terms of editing, cutting back on frames, moving action, and character design. It works in its cool, gritty, elusive sort of way. From the first time I watched it through, I knew and felt that Akira was the ultimate pinnacle of its genre. The sci-fi, doomed, and radical concept world of Neo-Tokyo, from then on, would hold its ground to be my favorite Anime-film. - Fonz

A Clockwork Orange, 1971. Directed by Stanley Kubrick.

I personally think the greatest director that ever lived is Kubrick. That’s a gut feeling I’ve had ever since I watched him films, even at a young age. Older, now I say this with such confidence. Kubrick is a master film maker, but what makes him so masterful? His music and action? His set-up and anticipation? Delicately, complexity, work with color, Drama, the thrill for doom? It can be difficult to analyze his films because it can really turn into an abstract mess. SO…I had to pick one of his films. That shit was difficult too. I landed on A Clockwork Orange. Funny, oddly scored, static but perfect compositions, tyranny, hopelessness, classic, controversial. This is Kubrick, just so amazingly rad to me, forever. - Fonz

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, 2005. Directed by Wes Anderson.

What can I say about Wes Anderson except that his movies are relentlessly stylish, and funny. Much like most say, he is a visual author. His films just reek of his persona, his words, and little fantasies. The Life Aquatic is that type of ridiculous hunt that just has me laughing. Wes’ films don’t make me laugh like typical comedy movies do. It’s an odd kind of humor, sometimes I laugh so hard, even at curious things in his film. Like a killer whale over looking a conversation from the background, sugar crabs mating, the three legged dog. It’s touching; absurd, dry, and troubled characters make for a silly submersion. - Fonz

Donnie Darko, 2001. Directed by Richard Kelly.

What if you could go back in time, and take all your hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better? You could do anything. Make the whole world and life, as we know both, complete paradoxes. Time would be visible. Red Eye engines would fill the skies. You could theme philosophy, space, time, and other dimensions into one book, one story, about teenage love, alienation, disorder, and impending doom. The end of the universe will flash before your eyes. You can make a dark tale like Donnie Darko. Since I watched it for the first time, Donnie Darko has always been in the small dark corners of my life. I fear it’s in my dreams, or maybe I just fear sleep walking up to ‘Frank the Bunny’ telling me the world will soon end. My love for this film is as enigmatic as the film is itself. - Fonz

Leon: the Professional, 1994. Directed by Luc Besson.

At 13 years old I fell in love with Natalie Portman. I had no words for Leon: The Professional, except “fierce”. Matilda, a forbidden little thing, knows what she wants and loves. She breaks apart, finds Leon, and with ease, she quickly sends his life of solitude and milk, into turmoil. Its an awkward setting in the small streets of Little Italy. It’s an intense will to move on, under the towering skyscrapers of New York. It’s a scary place with Gary Oldman’s persona. Its not difficult to see that people get turned off when a 12 year old girl goes lost and falls in love with a professional killer, but that’s what this film is; simple taboo, oblivious relationships, action tragedy, and a little hope to set things right or at least to live right. - Fonz

Memento, 2000. Directed by Christopher Nolen.

It was difficult to decide on “Memento”. I have two other films that could’ve taken its place in my list.”Pi” and “Primer”. They all three have their own complex universe of liner and non-liner story telling. But Chris Nolan took a great story and showed it to us backwards. I think that was very brave to do. Today’s audiences need more structure to work off. Most people simply go to see a film so they DON’T have to think. Memento is a time puzzle meant for you to piece together. Only then to realize that the puzzle is missing pieces. It has you in unease with characters that you constantly debate on trusting. A memorable score and a memorable protagonist. - Fonz

Garden State, 2004. Directed by Zack Braff.

The moment I fell in love with this movie was when Zach’s character listens to New Slang by The Shins. As he listens to the track he glances over and looks at Natalie’s smile. It’s a heart warming moment. I’ve shared that moment with plenty of friends in real life. Meeting someone special, listening to music, and sharing a moment of instant love in life is what makes Garden State so dear to me.

There are similar things in the film that fight against us, like depression, anxiety, repression, separation, despair, and the over all numbness that becomes what we think life should be or what should be expected of us in life. Garden State is a small journey that can finally snap you out of all of that. It reminds me of waking up and realizing my home is no longer what it was when I was a child. It also shows me that when my heart beats for someone that I should protect that person and never take advantage of such a unique love. Garden State is unique love, for someone, music, and living. - Fonz

Last review sent 3/1/12

In high school, Fonz made a movie. Aeris’ Prayer (2000). It stood out, to say the least. He premiered it with his classmates and friends, along with their movies, at an Orange Glen film festival. The last shot faded to black and I saw Kevin jump out of his seat to congratulate him during the end credits. I don’t think people expected such an appealing and elegant film from someone so reserved. But, the quiet and modest person Alfonso is, it only made all the sense to his close friends. His use of subtitles and avant-garde approach, with a Radiohead compliment, presented to everyone, somebody who knows how to charm an audience with refreshing clarity. It starts off funny, then, ends very profoundly. My movie played later and it was awkward and monotone. On the way home from the festival, I asked my aunt what she thought of my movie. She admitted to liking it (because it’s a forced common courtesy to flatter someone), and she said that Alfonso’s was VERY good, emotional, and that it made her choke up. Bastard.

At the Vineyard theatre, Fonz and I paid our 2 dollars and watch Baz Luhrmann’s, Romeo and Juliet. He laughed at my ignorance, while I was stunned by the ending. “Wait, they BOTH die?” I wasn’t much of an applied student. We sat in the same auditorium the following year to peak at The Wedding Singer, and laughed, in an uproar, at Steve Buscemi. “Self-taught, no lessons” was an ongoing amusement of ours.

Sitting is French class; we play Mill Borne’s and screw off. He and Fernando ask me if I wanted to play 007 with them again after school. Why are they chuckling to themselves? I’m not that bad at video games. In actuality, I’m fucking miserable at video games. Playing against Fonz is like trying to somehow, fool myself that I can swallow a spoon full of cinnamon without gagging, or, daydreaming about Dakota Fanning movies, without getting an erection. It’s simply impossible, but I’ll keep trying.

Fonz is funny. Standing and waiting in a checkout aisle, in a grocery store, he’d always shove random items in under my shirt and say, “Put this in your shirt, put this in your pants, take this, fuckin’ take it…” always with a brilliant delivery and sarcastic laugh. Why did this bother me at the time? I literally do this joke to somebody, whenever I’m standing in line at any store, because of him, because it’s hilarious. Why did I have such a sandy vagina, when he did it to me?

DeMolay. I actually talked Fonz into joining! I persuaded a high school friend to get initiated into this cult I was in! We wore black capes and had secret hand shakes, closed meetings and gothic rituals! Seriously! However, Fonz and I had a lot of fun partaking in this. Davey and Jordan loved Fonz and he and Angie slow danced at Shrine Camp. She admitted to me later, that she had a crush on him. Smooth.

As the years go on, I respect him more and more as an artist. It’s where his true talent stands and throughout our friendship, his work gets more personal, more distinct, impeccable.

Eyes Wide Shut, he watched twice in high school. People were demanding their money back, at the box office, because most American movie goers are retarded. He admired Kubrick in school, respecting the most perfected director who has ever lived and was given the utmost credibility by Mr. Coppo.

I haven’t seen you Fonz, since Comic-Con and I miss you completely. I miss moshing at a Queers show with you. I miss talking to you at parties, one on one, about how we sometimes bottle things up inside and how it’s hard for us to express, to others, our personal family lives. We bottle up, but do not explode. Well, not with violence, anyway, but with overwhelming lamentations.

“Anything is possible. It is night on planet earth and I’m alive. And someday I’ll be dead. Someday I’ll just be bones in a box, but right now, I’m not…There’s no failure, there’s no mistakes. I just go there and live there and whatever happens, happens…Fuck fear!!!”

My top ten favorite movies #1. Magnolia, 1999. Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson.

Lee: “…I watched Magnolia with my dad in the theatre.”

Me: “How was it?”

Lee: “Every shot was beautiful.”

If I may, let me just start off with a justification or excuse of why Fight Club, Requiem for a Dream and A Clockwork Orange are not on my top ten, even though, I still feel a bit of a betrayer. All 3 are absolutely epic and have changed my life. Too much respect for each one, throughout the years, has left me a little disarmed; Requiem mostly, a little unnerved, flustered by it’s climax. W.T.F Mike!!! Yes, the ending fucks me up too much now. Being a addict myself and trying to “Happy-Up” my present life; the downward- spiral Aronofsky has created is just too much reality that I can handle right now. Plus, it makes me very anxious and nervous. But, if it’s on…I have to watch it. Damn it, Aronofsky, it now hurts to love your movie. Damn it, counslers of outpatient clinics, don’t make us watch this shit. We already know what not to do. #12, it rests on my list.

Fight Club, you will just have to stay my #16. Sorry, it’s nothing personal. Too many other brillant movies have set you back a few the past couple of years.

All though, it’s probably one of the BEST films that has ever been made, i’ve oddly turned, sorta peculiar, with my favorites; being moved by these emotional, heart-core, hurt and growing, honest dramas. Clockwork is very honest and very “melodramatic”, but it too, has just been pushed back by my various tastes. Nostalgia is key and I loved growing up watching with everyone, but somehow I have embedded it as #13.

Paul Thomas Anderson is the shit.

• Hard Eight (Sydney) (1996) is worth watching once, twice and that’s it.

• Boogie Nights (1997) is so exceedingly tight. Anderson moves the camera with a almighty swiftness as his ensamble own each character. His characters are human, too meek to be mean at times, and Dirk Diggler is a lean, freed sexing machine. The dialogue is provocative, shoveling hot coals in the furnace of my Tarantino obbsession. The prelude to the film is the melody of a dark and mourning harmonium, to a black screen. A melody of aching distress, introduces a two and a half hour epic of porn, addiction, tragedy, love, regret, failure and success.

•Then, he releases Magnolia (1999).

This movie knocked me out flat.

A “fresh” ensemble of familiar faces, and within it’s magnificence, is a multitude of scattered empathy. How are we going to complete this puzzle of life? It’s a roller-coaster ride of 8 main characters intertwining throughout each other’s environment, from tainted genes to family misfortunes; human tragedy to biblical intervention. To this day, I’m in awe of it’s force to be reckoned with.

A moral understanding of man: “I have so much love to give, I just don’t know where to put it”, cries Quiz Kid Donnie Smith, in a drunken desperation to connect with good- looking bartender, who will never give him the time of day.

“God Damn regret!” cries Earl Partridge, on his death bed, to a male nurse; who is, like a guardian, there to comfort Earl during his last days. Or did God place him there to help Earl make amends, and to pass with much less remorse?

“I loved her so and she knew it. She knew all the fucking stupid things I’d done. But, the love was stronger than anything you can think of….Oh, and I’ll die. Now I’ll die. And, I’ll tell you what…the biggest regret of my life. I let my love go…(in a whimper) What did I do?… What did I do?”

Frank T.J. Mackey is a womanizer who declares, “Men are shit.”

Is this movie a description of Karma, metaphysics, theology? I feel it’s labor, it’s flawlessness. I can’t watch it without meditating in it. Melancholy consumes me.

Recently, I watched it again with my friend Anthony. It was similiar to the way I watched it the first time, with Lee in Culver City. I watched it sober. I could now view it without wallowing. No pity party. No tears for Aimee Mann’s beautiful soundtrack.

“It’s not going to stop, until you wise up. So just, give up.”

•P.T. Anderson flirted with a little love and romance with Punch-Drunk Love (2002), embracing the harmonium (his favorite instrument) as the significant symbol and source/reason of Barry and Lena’s togetherness. It’s short and sweet and poetic.

• With There Will Be Blood (2007) Anderson ditched the “Tarantino-cool” cinematics, and made a rustic, ruthless, grandeur display of greed; changing his ensemble, music, look and feel. It’s powerful and I loved it. But, the multiplication and sprouting of layers, I completely applaud Magnolia for. It still fits together better than Inception (2010), in my opinion.

Plus, it’s 3 hours and 17 minutes long.

82.

Here are Kevin’s top ten favorite films with his own reviews and additions. Enjoy.

This is much more difficult than I expected it to be. If I were doing Top 20 I think I could have probably knocked this list out quick, but limited by a Top 10, the decisions become much more cut-throat. Sure, the first 5 or 6 came quick, but finalizing it down to the last 4 or so became a tedious task. Even as I write this I continue to second guess myself whether or not some should or should not make-it. I’m relentlessly torturing myself as if they were going down in stone and people would forever hold these for or against me. Some are new, some are old. Some might surprise. They might not all be the greatest, but for whatever reason, I love these films and can watch them over & over, which I hardly ever do. And they were the first ones to pop in my head and win the battle for the coveted slots. If they all had anything in common, I’d say that they changed my perspective in one way or the other about something; be it life, love, film-making, music, whatever. Just something that has stuck with me. Without further ado, here are my Top 10 Favorite Films Of All Time… (with maybe some runner-ups at the end)

10. “JFK” - Directed By Oliver Stone. 1991.

“Think the unthinkable. Question everything. We are through the looking glass here, people, white is black and black is white.”

     This may have been my first Oliver Stone movie that I can remember seeing. It’s almost 3 hours long and if it’s on TV or I decide to watch it, I’m hooked in. Such a huge, amazing all-star ensemble cast along with lighting, writing, cinematography & editing that I hadn’t seen before. Maybe it was because it was filmed in Dallas soon after my dad moved there and I frequently visited the scene of the infamous assassination as a kid and had my own questions & theories about the conspiracy even then so it forever appeals to me. It played into budding adolescent rebellious nature teaching me to question authority and not believe everything you‘re told. History’s greatest mystery that’s never fully been explained.

9. “Once” Directed by John Carney. 2006.

“I don’t know you, but I want you even more for that.”

 A few years ago now, while listening to talk radio like I usually do during the day, a group of people stumbled into the studio of the mid-day show I was enjoying. They all had European accents, full of joy and excitement to promote their little movie. They explained that they were just regular musicians hired to act in this film about love & music that they shot in only 2 weeks time. They were now going everywhere to promote the shit out of it. Their names were Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova, and director, John Carney. Their charm, humor, and character were undeniable even just on the radio. I had to see this film they were talking about! Unfortunately I never got around to seeing in the theater because it came and went so fast, and little did I know it would go on to become as big as it did, winning the Academy Award for Best Song, but that first time you see the two of them sing together at the piano, its fuckin amazing. I remember tears coming down my eyes. Instantly. The capture the magic of making-music better than I’ve ever seen. Their performances are so real, you’d never know they weren’t professional actors. Their talent & chemistry is unavoidable. The songs are all so beautiful and you feel every word they sing or say. And I love the way it ends, not quite the perfect happy ending, but something a bit more real. 

8. “Newsies” Directed by Kenny Ortega. 1991.

 “I’m just not use to havin’ whether I stay or go matter to anybody. I’m not sayin’ it should matter to you. I’m just sayin’, um-but does it? Matter?”

 Yeah, so it’s a freakin’ Disney musical, so what? I friggin’ love this movie! If I was on a deserted island I definitely would want to be able to watch this again and again. It reminds me of my youth. One of the only musicals for guys that isn’t totally gay. I love the songs, love the story, love the characters and probably my first glimpse at Christian Bale and the bad-ass he’d go on to be. And again, teaches you to question authority and stand-up for yourself in the face of oppression. Heavy stuff for kids movie, perhaps that’s why it still holds up. Soon to be a play on Broadway.

7.  “Spanking The Monkey” Directed by David O’Russell. 1994.

   “You said I had a fat mouth!”

 Hmmm… what can be said about this one? Yes, it is sick & twisted, but surprisingly funny & brilliant as well. Dark & disturbing, spirited & enlightened. This was always mine and Mike’s movie, don’t know if anyone ever appreciated it as much as we did. Probably my first real appreciation for “indie” movies and how different they could be from the mainstream. Morphine’s album, “Cure For Pain”  as the entire soundtrack set  a distinct dark depth for the film. Loved the way the comedy, drama, and sexual tension builds, erupts, and destroys. Its daring & shocking and could have gone horribly wrong, but was handled diligently with finesse. Watched it a ton as a teenager and am impressed to see where O’Russell has gone since.

6. “Pulp Fiction” Directed by Quentin Tarantino. 1994.

“Don’t you hate that? …uncomfortable silences.”

 More than any other on the list, this one is probably the most of a symbolic choice. I was struggling with filling this slot with a lot of other films (Kids, Suburbia, Eternal Sunshine) and then those came into conflict with quite a few of QT’s movies (Reservoir Dogs, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, True Romance), so I thought, well, what the fuck, I don’t think I’d love any of those movies or indie movies as much as I do now if not for the one that really broke the door open for all indie movies and played a huge part of my teenage years. I can not even begin to count the number of times I watched this movie, listened to the soundtrack, and quoted lines with my friends. It was so funny. So smart. So unique.

 I remember first seeing it in Rancho Bernardo with my mom at a movie theater that doesn’t exist anymore. We loved it. Next I saw it in a hotel room in New Orleans with my dad & step-mom. They hated it and fell asleep. The times I watched it with Mike are incalculable. Hell, our first “band” was even called, “The Bonnie Situation”. It without a doubt had a huge impact on the way I viewed writing, story, dialogue, and the way structure can get fucked with. Launched and re-launched careers. Paved the wave for all sorts of action/comedy/indie movies to break through. And for all these reasons, I couldn’t let this one go unnoticed. 

5. “Exit Through The Gift Shop” Directed by Banksy. 2010.

“I don’t know how to play chess, but to me, life is like a game of chess.”

 I have a tendency to fall in love with girls at first sight, even before I really know a lot about them. The same could be said about my affection for certain movies sometimes. Quite a few of the films on this list I was in love with even before knowing much about them. I had heard growing murmurs about this strangely titled film over the summer of 2010, so much so that I started using the phrase “exit through the gift shop” when describing leaving or going somewhere. I knew nothing about it, but once it became available to watch at home, I jumped right in. I was hooked instantly! The opening credit sequence with the poppy music and montage of all these street artists doing their thing and getting chased by cops. It was fascinating, it was engaging, entertaining. Something new I had never really seen or paid attention too before. And this was only the very beginning. As the layers of the onion began to get peeled back and I was introduced to all these new & fascinating personalities, and amazing works of art and was shown the risk that went into making them, I loved it even more. It was unbelievably inspiring and eye-opening. Then as it got further and further into the “story” and my brain started ticking as I began to see the amazing depth & trick Banksy was pulling over me and everyone else, I just completely lost it. I was so happy to be awakened, inspired, and pranked.  The very next day after thinking about the film all night and morning, while driving in downtown San Diego, I spotted one of Space Invader’s tile mosaics on the way to a stop for work. It just made the movie even more real to me and stimulating. A few days later I found more of Invader’s work. And then more. And then more & more. It was every where. And not just his. My eyes were really open now in a whole new way, and I think I’ll forever see the world differently because of this film. I have a whole new deeper love, appreciation, and respect for art of all kinds and all mediums. Paint. Music. Comedy. Writing. Film. They’re all just trying to get their feelings out. We all just want to be noticed.

4. “Chasing Amy” Directed by Kevin Smith. 1997.

“This is all going to end badly.”

 The summer after I turned 16, I remember driving my dad’s red Ford Ranger truck alone around Ft. Worth, TX on a hot, humid day. As I drove I noticed the movie theater at the near-by mall was playing Kevin Smith’s new movie. I had loved “Clerks” and “Mallrats” for their abrasive, indecent, comic-book-loving, sexual innuendo-inducing humor that Smith was just beginning to establish himself with, so going to see his newest was a welcome relief from the heat and my loneliness & boredom. I knew I’d probably laugh a lot while watching, what I didn’t expect to happen was to be so moved and in-love with this one. I actually left the theater crying. Crying! At a Kevin Smith movie! He provided all the funny I wanted & needed, but this time followed it up with a whole lot of heart & heartbreak. Real feelings of love, loss, and the one that got away. It was everything I ever wanted from him & more and nothing has come close since.

3. “Natural Born Killers” Directed by Oliver Stone. 1994.

“A lot of people out there are already dead, they just need to be put out of their misery. That’s where I come in.”

 Did I just see the Coca-cola Polar Bear in the middle of the movie I’m watching on the big screen? And a cartoon? And OJ? And Lorena Bobbitt? What the fuck is this? What the fuck did I just watch? I remember seeing this movie when I was in 8th grade with a kid I wasn’t even really friends with. I don’t know if he liked it or not, but I had just been mind-fucked. I was still young to have done any drugs but after watching this movie it certainly felt like I had. It was the closest thing to an acid or mushroom trip I would feel for many years, so I watched the shit out of this film growing up and into my 20s. It’s so fuckin unique and unlike anything I have seen before or since. It certainly played directly into my own strange fascination I had with serial killers growing up, but the techniques and style used was almost other-worldly. The soundtrack complied by Trent Reznor was just as equally brilliant and was a staple of my teenage years. Everything about this movie is intense & extraordinary. Funny, violent, trippy. One-of-a-kind.

2. “Memento” Directed by Christopher Nolan. 2000.

“I have to believe in a world outside of my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can’t remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world’s still there.”

 Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a writer. A poet, a songwriter, an author, and as I got into my teenage years, a screenwriter. I read every how-to book & script I could get my hands on. I  studied & learned all the key points. Dialogue. Action is character. Get in late, leave early. Story. Structure. The commandments to live by. This film takes all those and flips them. Backwards. Literally. They’re all still there, but so perfectly pieced in a way never seen before, my mind was blown. Sure, there are other movies that flip the Acts around a bit and play with structure, but the way this one was done was so methodical it was down-right chilling. In a good way. Nolan instantly proved himself to  be smarter & a better story-teller than anyone else out there I had ever seen. And he continues to deliver incredible work to this day and has yet to really disappoint. I love this film so much I bought the first DVD, then the Special Edition with the re-edited straight forward version, and last year went to see the one-night only Ten Year Anniversary re-release in theaters. I could spend forever slicing & analyzing all the tiers that makes this film so great, but maybe deep down I just love it so much because it reminds me of better times when I had great friends, felt loved, and I was still a writer & a dreamer. Ahh, memories, they sure fuck with your head, don’t they…?

1. “Requiem For A Dream.” Directed by Darren Aronofsky. 2000.

“Anybody want to waste some time?”

 In the beginning of 2001, I awoke early one Sunday morning with an overwhelming weight of depression crushing my head, heart, and soul. It certainly wasn’t a new feeling and wouldn’t be the last, but this may have been one of the worst. Perhaps it was enhanced and made worse from the previous nights partying or the previous weeks or months of partying, but I was struggling with things I couldn’t grapple with easy and took it out on the people closest to me, namely my best friends and girlfriend. She and I erupted into a fight that morning over my hopeless behavior and it escalated to the point where I ended up cutting my wrist with a piece of broken glass then fleeing our apartment with a nasty open bloody wound on my wrist left unattended for hours as I drove aimlessly around the city and county, searching for some kind of answer. I spent the day seriously considering finding a sharper object to finish the job on my other wrist or driving my truck off the side of one of the many winding mountain roads I was encountering, or jumping off the Coronado Bridge, or one of many other ways I had planned to end my life.

 But I didn’t. When I finally came home that night, my best friends and girlfriend were there waiting for me. The people I cared about most cared about me too. I didn’t say much to them, only insisted that we followed through on going to downtown San Diego to see this movie that was creating so much buzz. I had an intense day, and might not have been fully prepared for what I was about to see.

 A movie like I’ve never seen before. A masterpiece. The perfect storm of flawless & innovative cinematography, razor-sharp editing, captivating & heart-wrenching story, unbelievably powerful performances from the actors, and music so epic & intense it sucks you in, never lets go and can never be forgotten. Love. Hope. Sex. Drugs. Violence. Addiction. Desperation. Despair. There are not enough words to do justice to the intensity of shock & awe and amazement I immediately felt for this film, especially after the day I had just had. I was in love. And I knew I wasn’t alone either. My best friends had just been shocked to their core as well. It was a very cathartic experience for all of us, and I knew it would be a day and a film I’d never forget. 

Have you ever realized that when you meet somebody in your youth, and grow up with that person, year by year, they seem not to age, but sustain a familiar flesh? It’s not until we look at old photographs that we realize how time has transposed us.

Kevin and I have been good friends since junior high and it is very difficult to look back, without honing in on the impression Kevin has made on my life. How did I start making music? My mother bought me my first guitar when I was 12 and I began taking guitar lessons when I was 12. Kevin was practicing a lot with Morgan Frisk; he asked me if I was interested in jamming with them. We went by the name “The Bonnie Situation” until Matt got on board and Kevin came up with the name “Fluke” and we started playing recitals, talent shows, coffee houses and house parties. Once we were all in high school, Kevin began showing us various different ska bands and we initiated a new direction, progressing towards a “Sublimish/Op Ivy” sound. Us four worked laboriously to scout out a horn section and lucked out with Beki and Kim. Soon after, Chris jumped on keys and Kevin coined the name Jerry Lives Twice. We all had a lot of fun while it lasted.

At the end of my sophomore run, Kevin encouraged me to sign up for a video productions course, for the following year. Video Productions escalated my movie fascination and presented to me a more, solid scope and range, to how the art form operates. Not to mention, it introduced us to Lee-Mother-Fucking-Johnson. Worth noting, Kevin is one of the only people I know who has written and completed a feature-length screenplay. He wrote it in high school. This is saying a lot, for it’s a tedious process and being subjected to its format, makes a lot of people give up too quickly. Plus, he wrote it without utilizing Final Draft or any other screen-writing program, which is a must nowadays. “A Girl Named Ruth” was its working title and coincidentally, had a similar plot to “Lars and the Real Girl” (2007). However, Kevin’s script was written 10 years before “Lars” was release.

Early in our adulthood, Kevin and I had a bit of a falling out. And, before that, we struggled with a few senseless, misrepresented “ups and downs”. Yet, the gaps in our friendship, I value just as strong as our current fellowship, because now he and I can talk like casualties of a perplexed generation. We have witnessed each other’s own minor/major defeats, to a humble resurrection, growth, and painstaking prevail, essentially, on our own accord. I’ve watched him grieve hard for the things I’ve done to him, when I could have been a better friend. I’ve seen Kevin grieve hard when I was a good friend, as the world was hammering nails into his heart. Kevin has seen me fall and panic, as he learned about my deep-routed depression, alcoholism and desperate existence.

One evening, I was in a hotel room in Los Angeles. I was thinking about how our detachment was ludicrous. I couldn’t go to sleep without a phone call. I left a hopeful, yet passive message on his voicemail. Not much time passed and he returned the call. Hours passed. There was heavy talk of ex-girlfriends and crazy, little adventures we’ve both encountered, straightforwardly. We discussed “Hustle and Flow” and “Freaks and Geeks”.

Finally, I met up with him again and crashed at his apartment for two weeks, before my second trip to Thailand. At the airport, I had the nerve to shake his hand right before boarding the plane. He had the heart to give me the hug that was long overdue. I write this today with a legitimate sense of gratitude, gratitude towards a friend who has stuck by my side and withstood this preposterous life together.

So happy Spanking the Monkey made the cut!!!